April 4, 2017

Download A Curmudgeon's Garden of Love by Jon Winokur PDF

By Jon Winokur

A compilation of grouchy and hilarious quips and quotations which could make an attractive bedside spouse for someone who has suffered the discomfiture of being in or out of affection. Such outspoken iconoclasts as Sigmund Freud and Woody Allen are quoted on issues similar to relationship and marriage.

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Extra info for A Curmudgeon's Garden of Love

Sample text

Dear gymnasts, You could be doing those handstands over a beer keg! Oh, all that talent wasted on not getting wasted! Sincerely drunk, HogWild BRONZE-MEDAL DRINKING GAMES 45 Shtfaced Games interior mech3_Layout 1 8/23/13 10:12 AM Page 46 GAME 12 Track and Field— Hurdles of Beer Are you aware that many of the world’s top track stars ice their nipples before a race to get a slight advantage? Okay, I made that up, but it would be awesome to hear the TV announcer shout, “ . . ” How to Play Set up a track with beers in each lane.

If the beer falls to the ground, scramble to snatch it up! No hitting or activity of any kind is allowed except the one hand wrapped around the beer. The loser must stick his face near the can of beer, and the winner then shakes it and opens it, squirting the loser with the snatch. Then the loser must chug the beer! After I chug a few beers I’m really good with girls. For instance, I knew this girl liked me because, as I talked to her, she kept looking at her watch! That’s right, baby, time flies when you’re having fun!

Think of the proud, refined history and art of horse riding as you proceed to act like a horse’s ass. How to Play Each team has one player down on all fours as the horse, with a second player riding on top of him as the jockey. The jockey must hold a can of beer while riding. If the jockey falls off the horse, the horse must immediately stop and wait for the jockey to remount. The first team to cross the finish line is the winner. The losers must neigh like angry horses and chug a beer. Ya know, being a jockey isn’t easy.

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